Happiness is possible and I will Survive!

So it's been a while! SO I'm reading a book on Self-Esteem because I really don't have very good self-esteem. So While I'm reading this book each chapter is going to get a blog. That way I can keep on top of it and share what I'm learning. I think self-esteem is an issue for most people more so woman. I do believe a lot has to do with the media and the look it gives woman.

Anyway the reason we have a problem with ourselves is only one part of the issue. I mean it's good to identify what caused the problem but not dwell on that. You know I could blame other people for letting me eat so much when I was younger which in turn made me fat. Or I could say that this person didn't do this which did this to me. It's all cause and effect but the more important thing to do is to move on. I am not a "move on" type of person at all. I can dwell on things for years before I get over them...the reason...because of my self-esteem. What I am longing for is a healthy sense of self. I want to figure out how to take all of my bad feelings and my bad actions and turn them into good ones. I've read a lot on this subject and some books have you write on your mirror "I am a good person. I am smart. I am beautiful" but if your not doing anything or if your not taking action to make yourself feel that way then they are just words.

SO then we need to ask the question "What can we do to make this better?" I think that is my new favorite question. You don't feel good about the job you are doing or the work you are doing? What can you do to make it better? I was feeling pretty much like crap when it came to my job. I just felt like I had no motivation. When really it has to come from inside. I mean there is money motivaters in my job and I still wasn't going for it! Can you believe that?!

Friendships can also be that way. Right now I have a friendship with a person who I don't know that well...but I would like to know better. This person is great, very nice, smart but yet it seems like there can be great conflict between us and now usually I walk away from people like this. I just don't deal with it. For some reason it's easy for me to let go of people who are going to cause conflict in my life. But then looking at people that I have pushed away, I wish I wouldn't have. I hate dealing with conflict and it's because I have no self-esteem so I don't ever think I'm right anyway or that if I speak up nobody will listen so why do it? What can I do to change this? Well I'm not ending the friendship I'm actually working hard to not be annoying but yet still be there when I'm needed. Sometimes people have bad weeks, busy weeks, bad months and it's always important to hang in there! Back off a little bit give that person the space that is needed. I'm a good friend, and a good person to be a friend with. So I think that it will work out in the end. I am just going to sit tight. If it doesn't work out in the end and me giving space just pushes that person completely away then it happens and for the short period of time that we were friends it was good.

I always get so worked up over things, and that is one thing I am trying not to do. I just need to know who I am and that I am not a "crazy psycho" like my ex boyfriend once called me (of course not to my face haha). I am fun to be around (I'm like a party in a box) and I love to just have fun and I've really lost sight of that this year. It sucks that I have and now I'm back! It's time to get life back on track and have fun! Happiness is possible in this life, you just can't let the drama and the stupid people bring you down.

So what can we do to make it better? Well no more drama and complaining. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and I'm going to stick with that. If "this" happens...then it happens and I'll move on. Life is just too short to be worrying about what people think and what other people way about me. I will do what is right and for that how can people look badly on you? I know people still will but if I know in my heart what I am doing is the right thing then people can think what they want but I will have a healthy self-esteem...which will help me walk off what people say.

Ok that is part 1 of self-esteem! Hopefully we'll continue to learn and love ourselves and other people. I know how psychobaballike this sounds....but hell it works so why not?!